So these 7 people wanted to get away from Florida even faster than I do.  They STS-118 did it at about 4,000 MPH.  I wonder if I can ramp up the United 757 taking me home to that kind of speed.

And finally, the ironies of Tampa.  “I’m sorry, your mother can’t be with you any more Bambi…”

To see the everglades, you must use Alligator Alley, which is 100 miles of perfectly straight road.

And when you get there, might I recommned Big Erv’s airboat rides: (They have a $5 off coupon if you stop at the chamber of commerce before your visit.  (By chamber of commerce I mean shack at intersection of highways 41 and 29.)

And after you buy your tickets, the nice southern girl with no education directs you out the side doo, where there happens to be an alligator a mere 3 feet from you!

And then it’s airboat time!

Nothing says environmentalism quite like a chevy big block engine running down the flora and fauna of the everglades at 60 MPH.  Damn it is fun though!

THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!!!

So I come to Tampa during the height of hurricane season.  Storm’s a-blowin’ all around.  What do I get to see?  I tree that looks like it stumbled home drunk last night.  So much for my survival tactics.

And I have no idea what these were, but they were damn big to be having near a schoolyard:

Alli is so going to kill me when I want to build this in the living room!

From the new Nemo ride at Epcot – it’s like your underwater!  What a great inspiration for a nieces themed room?

And how cool would you be in the 8 year old world if your room had a working periscope?

And now, back to Tampa.  With it’s huge thunderstorms!

Because who wants to go out in that rain?  And who wants an UNLICENSED massage therapist?

Dinner out at Clearwater beach.  And the causeway that gets you there

Always keep one eye on that tropical depression, and the other on that evac route:

Do not park your car, or your Vessel here.  (Or your Klingon Wessel.)

And finally, yes, that is a lizard on that rabbits head.

In the tradition of Grover, I present to you, two opposite.  Near, Far – Say hello to Tampa, Orlando.

Tampa:

Orlando:

Tampa:

Orlando:

Tampa:

Orlando:

So in summary, you wish to be NEAR Orlando, and FAR from Tampa.

A 50% chance of rain yielded a 100% lightning infested supercell.  I love a good storm.

Ok, I don’t even know what these items are, but they are filled with grease, covered in cheese, and apparently you can add bacon for $0.99

I went with Jr. Chichekn Fingers Meal.  I didn’t know they would be covered in mayonnaise.

Give me a ping Vasily. One ping only.  Also got to do wonders for that kids self esteem.

I have no idea what is about to happen to me. But it seems dangerous, and sniper like:

And finally, this just seems stupid. And “Driving Neighborly” I’m sure doesn’t meet any sort of Florida Transportation System regulations.

Oh my.  The alligator has burst through the cinder block wall of “Alli Gators” with such tremendous force, that he has split the cinder blocks into wood.  It happens you know.

Because big men who eat big alligators need big trucks.  This is Florida after all.